Houston Domestics

Posts Tagged ‘conflict’

Emotional abuse has long-term effects to the person who has experienced constant yelling and name-calling. It would be hard to accept your condition if you have been in an abusive relationship. This article will help you identify the problem and work over it.
You would be developing behavioral patterns like remaining aloof, having a low self-esteem and confidence and will make you hate yourself. This is prone to depression and anxiety. The scenario of you being abused will linger in your thoughts. You will be carrying this burden throughout your life and it wouldn’t be easy for you.
Some events of emotional abuse can be traumatizing. You have to deal with this one too. You would think if only there is something that you can eat that would make it vanish forever! But it does not work that way. It’s really that you have to do the work to re frame your memories and re-shape your mindset.
Here are some steps to help you move on:

• They key to healing is Acceptance! You must accept that you are being abused. You will get nowhere if your mind is set into believing that abusive behavior is normal.
• Stop feeling guilty!. You are not responsible for the abusive behavior of your partner.
• What has happened; has happened. In your life, there are bad chapters that you should try to forget.
• Be confident to yourself and realize your self worth.
• Love yourself for what you are and try to remember the kind of person you are before.

You really can’t make a conscious decision to “forget” your past because healing will come with time. If you think counseling is necessary, then find a good counselor. In time you may find someone else to share your experiences with, but that’s not something you should focus on while you’re healing.

The information in your past can help you with your future. Patience and trust is something that you must have inorder to heal the wounds of emotional abuse. If you allow positive things to happen, everything in the past will be recast in a different light.

It is important for you to realize that you have to move on and do what you want in your life.

To your happiness,

Neil Warner
Creative Conflict Resolutions
Claim your free copy of the report ‘5 Essential Skills for Happy Relationship‘

Fighting or arguing is a part of any relationship. Conflict is inevitable for growth in your relationship. Even the strongest relationships can go through some tough times. This article will help you realize whether or not you are handling a relationship in a matured way.
You become an enemy in the eyes of your significant Other if there is a fight between the two fo you. What kind of enemy do you think you are?

Are you a good or bad enemy?

Do you escape and avoid arguments in your relationship?
If you fighting your battles alone, fire against fire, or for your self-defense, or too lazy, proud or stubborn to admit things are not working right, that makes you a bad enemy.
On the other hand, a good enemy does not avoid any arguments. A good enemy listens and makes an effort to solve the conflict. If you have strength if character and abundance of patience, you would be able to handle situations and solve problems easily.

There is desperation, loneliness and need for contact behind the idea of arguing, it is a good sign if you are able to detect these hidden contents.

Signs of being a good enemy to your partner:
You always think about your partner’s feelings, if they feel good about themselves each day. – Be able to say an apology and break communication barriers – Praising your partner whenever they contributed something that helps your relationship – You acknowledge the problems in your relationship and helping you partner understand why it is important to discuss the problems. – You recognize and accept your shortcomings and think of ways for you to become a better partner – You treat your partner with respect and dignity at all times
You get caught in the stresses of daily living and dealing with a difficult partner makes it worse. If you are able to deal with your problems, it shows that you have a skill in fair fighting.

The skills of a good enemy:

• Be able to accept the things that your partner find difficult in your relationship
• Deal with the problems in an calm and self-empowered manner
• Even if your partner can be difficult, you are able to focus the positive energy that enhances the relationship
• Be able to control your emotions, know when to stop and to say enough, and be able to make solid decisions
• Willingness Negotiate a win-win soluton with your partner

You should always work through problems and settle it in a cooperative way. After all, you and your partner thrive in a mutual understanding and peaceful atmosphere. Your goal must be clear, that fighting is not to make you a bad enemy, but rather the opposite.

Is your relationship beyond repair? 
It may not be as bad as you think…as long as you still care.By applying the ideas we offer in the ebook, you will become a Positive Conflict agent, what I call being a “Good Enemy”!
Want to know more?

Neil Warner
Positive Conflicts
PS: Need Results fast?
Get your copy of ”The Art of Positive Conflicts“

Is it any wonder that your strong emotion of anger may hurt, destroy, and poison a good relationship?
Can you overcome your anger, instead of being overcome by it? Yes- if you start changing your attitude in mind. You must stop making an excuse for your negative temper. You must put in mind that anger is your enemy!
Uncontrolled anger can be very devastating. It can reveal your true nature. Anger is a negative emotion and it shatters relationship and breeds violence.

Is It Good To “Let it Rip?”

If you are using this excuse to hurt others, what you do not know is that it escalates anger and it does not help to resolve the situation.

To solve the problem of anger you must recognize the anger within your mind. You must apply practical methods in your daily life to control your anger.

To stop your uncontrolled behavior, you must know its symptoms. You will learn how to recognize them and stop it at an earlier time.

These are the symptoms of uncontrolled behavior:

• Always thinking about detailed plans to commit acts of violence
• Threatening others
• Failing to acknowledge the feelings of others
• Feeling rejected
• Withdrawal from friends
• Loss of temper

So what is the best solution?

You should find out what triggers your anger and then develop strategies to control your anger.

You may also want to ask yourself these questions :

Is your anger important or reasonable enough?

Is it possible that you make the situation complicated?

Some ways to help you control your anger:

Anger Management can help you learn to control your reactions or get rid of the things that enrage you

• Simple relaxation tools can calm down angry feelings such as deep breathing, yoga-like   exercises, visualization of a relaxed experience
• It helps if you change your environment where you can have a fresh view of things and get away from the usual and irritating place.
• Choose less hurtful words and don’t say the first thing that comes into your head, think carefully about what you want to say.
• Use humor to help yourself face them more constructively. Don’t use sarcastic humor because it will still escalate anger
• Listen carefully to what the other person is saying and take your time before answering.
• Anger, even when it’s justified, can quickly become irrational so always remind yourself that you’re just experiencing some hard times in your life.

Every problem has a solution. But the best mentality is not to focus on finding the solution, but rather on how you handle and face the problem.

Neil Warner
Creative Conflict Resolutions

PS: Need Results fast?
Get your copy of “The Art of Positive Conflicts“
You may also want to check out this online anger management class

Do you feel that everyday conflicts are becoming increasingly hard to deal with?

Do you have a feeling that you need to defeat the other, in order to restore the balance?

Let’s see why this idea of “winner” and “looser” is at the heart of this constant escalation of arguments…

There may be some reasons that justifies the idea of “winning” over an argument, instead of looking a an issue to be resolved together.

Most of the time it’s just because you have the idea that you fight for a scarce resource; and this forces you to “to win” no matter the costs.

The problem is when it only about “winning” you will see the opponent as someone that has to be defeated, transforming the person you love into an ‘enemy’.

The battle scenario would look like this:

1. The bad one is competing with you for a scare resource.
2. As result of this situation only one of you can be a winner:
3. If you attack first, he will counter attack..
4. If he move first, you will feel compelled to react and ‘defend’ your self.
5. Whatever course of action, the only possible issue will be escalating the dispute.

Things to note here:

• Even if you want to avoid the conflict, inaction will create the conditions for the other to do the first move forcing you to react.
• Unless you step back and find another way, there can not be a real winner. 
  Even if you win over the resources, the price to pay is undermining your relationship.
• If you too afraid to take action and radically change the way you approach this confrontations, the only option left is to fight.
• This over time will result to unresolved and escalated confrontation that ends up with both sides isolated and moving in different directions.
• Failed communication leads to more isolation, pain, and anger.

If you follow this model to the end, sooner or later you will destroy your relationship.

What do you really need to change this pattern?

Remember the real “relationship” lies beneath. It is alive and well and full of love.

Just don’t make this small ‘negotiation’ compromise your relationship.

Using positive techniques on how to manage conflicts, you learn more ways resolve conflicts other than to have a winner and a loser.

Neil Warner

PS: Need Results fast? get your Freen copy of “The Art of Positive Conflicts: Transforming Confrontations into Relationship Harmony,”

Do you currently feel that there is a tragic in the midst of your love relationship?

That you no longer speak to one another?

Do you feel that all your dreams, goals, and marriage is falling apart and going nowhere?

Or there is a lack of peace and harmony in your present relationship?

While peace and harmony in your relationship keeps you motivated and productive, conflict results in endless fights, loneliness, resentment, and mistrust. Conflict makes you suffer emotionally, mentally and physically.

You can react on these situations in different ways:

• You may decide to escape; to do anything to avoid another conflict situation: giving in to other demands without being satisfied to yourself, only to keep the peace; settling for second-best place where you don’t ever have to be bothered with anything related to confrontation, challenge, or friction.
• You may fight fire against fire and be more defensive that would result to verbal and physical violence.
• Or you can deny the conflict, hide inside and avoid future conversions on problematic issues
• Or you can avoid future conversations on problematic issues by denying the conflict. It is possible that you can give up and go along with others, forgetting your own interests and finally compromising your soul.
• You can decide to get your own way no matter what, and do “passive aggressive resistance” without ever getting to discuss your behaviour and its impact on the other. Or you can go the way of skilful negotiations, and learn how to talk about difficult issues with the person you love, and explore different sides of dispute and get an agreement.

But I want you to be aware that it is always best to interpret conflict from a different angle:

What if this situation is not an attack to you but a way for this person, to relate to you, a way of calling out for your support, connection and recognition?

A lot of people always assumed that they would be unhappy in their marriage, that nobody can provide them all the respect; space and love they need, because those ideas were too different or exotic to them. They may have read those ideas in my book, but they found them radically different from their own. But those who where able to re-frame the confrontations as a reach out from their partner, now see that things are getting better, that an argument is not about who is right or wrong.

Finally they can feel that they can control in a positive way what happens with their relationships

Remember you deserve a happy life with harmonious relationship with your significant other.

But how can you do it?

The answer is simple…

If each argument is an opportunity to get you two closer, if conflicts can be used to build up the relationship, then there is no need to fear any confrontation… just the opposite!

Neil Warner

PS: Need Results fast?
Visit our site and get your copy of “The Art of Positive Conflicts“

Happiness, as we all know, come from the relationship around you.
Experience tells you that It’s not easy to build a lasting relationship. Somewhere along the road, things will get in the way and you find yourself unable to maintain  your relationship.
One of the hindrances in loving relationships is anger. Anger is a strong emotion. It is one thing that is going to do some damage whether you choose to express it or hold it.
What if you have ever loved someone who has never learned to adjust in his surroundings? Can you imagine what your life would be like in the years to come?
There are situations in a relationship where one becomes really angry or always gets angry on anything and it creates a need to try to control everything. Anger can damage a relationship. The effects of anger can progress from mild irritation, to yelling or maybe physical abuse.
You may argue or fight intensely and anger seems to boil in degrees.

But ask yourself:
Does this help your relationship?

Here’s some facts about anger and how it can destroy your relationship:

• - If anger comes into the surface, it creates drama and crises in the situation, and lingers long after it leaves – It is fueled with a lot of negativity that it can quickly destroy a relationship that as been positive or good for a long period of time.
• - Anger can affect self-esteem and confidence.
• - Anger does affect trust and love.
• - Anger is not a peaceful emotion, it is full of uncertainty and fear, you’ll never know what happens next – Anger makes you say and do things that you will regret for the rest of your life.

If there is too much anger in your present situation or if you are in a relationship with someone who is easily angered, then perhaps you should start thinking if you still have an intimate life with your partner.Because being in a critical situation will make you unhappy and cause more ill feelings towards your partner and eventually would destroy your intimacy.
Intimacy is delicate, once destroyed by anger, it affects trust and honesty. Harsh words, criticism and non-acceptance  are the causes of anger and this can affect the intimacy of your relationship.

Anger can also cause blaming and criticism where you lash out at each other’s feelings.

 Blaming and criticizing also leads to a lack of intimacy and even more conflict in the long run.

Accept and understand eachother to protect a truly valuable emotional bond that you have invested. Do not allow yourselves to erupt without talking what should be done to make things clear. Instead, find ways to discuss it in a civilized manner with a clear mind and open heart.

To your happiness!
Neil Warner,

PS: To know more on Anger Management,
Visit our Site “Positive Conflicts“

She’s currently out of your life, but you obviously want her back into it. If you need to know how to win her back then look no further than psychological mind games to help you on your way. A few people may frown on the use of tactics like these, but who cares what they think. The important thing is to win her back.

You may not realise but we are all subjected to some sort of psychological mind games almost every day. Not just our partners and friends, but employers and even the government are at it. A typical example is the employee of the month. Employers are using psychological mind games to increase production.

Get her to call you without asking
Most of us like to receive letters through the post, as long as they aren’t demands for payment that is! So you send her a letter telling her how good things are for you right now. And you also say you want to thank her.

This works in two ways. First she’s curious and then comes the pride. The note mentions a “thank you”, she can’t for the life of her think why you would thank her. There’s the curiosity. And the pride comes in when she realises you’ve thanked her for something good she’s done. She cannot resist calling you to find out why you thanked her. You say thank you for (the breakup) making you realise it was the right thing.

Of course the real reason for the letter was to get her to call you. If you play this one right you can eventually have her believe she made first contact with you again. After all, you never once asked her to call you in the letter. But the letter did its job and she called anyway.

Later I can show you how to get yourself the exact letter to send. And some other tricks like this.

Use her favourite memories
We all have treasured memories. You can exploit these memories to your advantage. If for instance you know what her all time fav song is, you can use this. Food and smells are good as well.

When she calls after you send the letter make sure she can just about hear her fav song in the background. Her subconscious then starts to link her favourite song with you, as those are the most recent memories of her hearing the song. Linking her fav song with you then transfers some of the good stuff she feels about the song to you.

Jealous curiosity
This is where you start to go out with friends and you make sure you have a great time. But more importantly you engineer it so that she also knows you had a great time.

As long as you aren’t out on a one to one date, which will probably enrage her, you will raise a slight feeling of jealousy in her. She definitely doesn’t expect you to be moving on so quick after the breakup. If it works right she starts to feel that it should be you & her out and not you & your friends.

There you have three little psychological tricks to help you to win her back. Some people may frown on them but it’s not like you are going to hypnotise her and steal her away. Of course you don’t want to be using them just willy nilly.

You want to be putting these tips in as part of a bigger plan to win her back. You can screw the whole game up without a system to follow.

You can find out what I think are the best couple of all round systems that will show you exactly how to win her back at my website …

MakeupNotBreakup.com

She’s currently out of your life, but you obviously want her back into it. Discover how to win her back with a few psychological tactics. I dare say some of your friends may look down on you using these tactics but they don’t count. What does count is you getting her back.

You don’t actively notice it but psychological mind games are in use every day. Governments, employers, even our friends and partners. Take the employee of the month competition. You don’t win anything other than bragging right but the overall production goes up.

Get her to call you without asking
This is how it goes. We nearly all love receiving letters, as long as they aren’t bills. So you send her a letter telling her how good things are for you right now. And you also say you want to thank her.

This note she received will raise her curiosity levels and also a bit of pride will kick in. She’s curious as to why you want to thank her, and then pride kicks in because you’ve thanked her. We all love being thanked. She cannot resist calling you to find out why you thanked her. You say thank you for (the breakup) making you realise it was the right thing.

The real reason you sent the letter is to get her to contact you. Play your cards right here and she will forever think she got back in touch with you. After all, you never once asked her to call you in the letter. But the letter did its job and she called anyway.

You can get hold of the exact letter to send later. I’ll show you where. There are some other neat little moves just like this one.

Memories are there to be used
We all have treasured memories. You can exploit these memories to your advantage. You can use her favourite food, or smell. Or even her fav song.

When she calls after you send the letter make sure she can just about hear her fav song in the background. Her subconscious then starts to link her favourite song with you, as those are the most recent memories of her hearing the song. Her subconscious will transfer some of her love for the song back to you.

Make her a bit jealous & curious
Get your self out with some friends but make sure you are seen to be having a great time. More importantly try to wangle it so your ex knows you were out having fun.

Don’t go out on a 1 to 1 date as this may well scare her off completely. But a friends night out will make her feel a bit jealous as she was left out. She won’t be expecting you out & about having fun so soon. She may well feel she wants to be part of the fun again like it used to be.

These few tactics are just some of the many things you can use to win her back. Yes a few people will look down their nose at using them but they are harmless and no serious damage will be done. But using these tips on their own will likely lead nowhere.

What you really need is to use them as part of the total game plan to win her back. You can screw the whole game up without a system to follow.

Have a look at what I think are the best couple systems to help you to win her back at my website…

MakeupNotBreakup.com

You need a virtually foolproof system to get your ex back. A step by step easy to follow method.

A system that’s worked hundreds of times in the past and will work hundreds of times in the future.

It’s fairly difficult to believe that these systems exist, yet they do and are all over the net.

They come in many forms and a lot are pure crap. They are packed with common sense filler that most kindergarten kids could teach.

However there are a few that are really worth the effort, put together by people who have been there and done that. Just as you are trying to do now.

A system that works is one that is easy to follow and written by someone who has successfully followed each step and gotten the right result.

When I wanted my wife back I used one of the systems, and it worked. I’m sure it can work for you too.

The whole system isn’t just a psychology class, but in my view the best bits are.

We are programmed to react to psychological triggers in a similar way. We can’t help doing it

Any sports car advert nearly always has a hot looking lady either in, or draped over the car. This creates a psychological link in our minds between that car and hot women.

You can employ similar tactics to get your wife back when she phones you. Have her fav song on in the background just loud enough for her to hear.

You can try to create the smell of her fav dish if she ever comes round to yours. These psychological links have her picturing you when she smells that food or hears that music.

Leave a message on her answer phone that doesn’t ask her to call you, but it conjures enough curiosity that she calls anyway.

You can have her thinking it was her that got in touch first and wasn’t just replying to the message you left.